would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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