It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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