At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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