And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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