he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize