Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
