I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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