Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
