youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
