can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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