Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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