Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
