Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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