eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
