Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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