I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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