im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
