I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
