youre lurking in front of me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
