TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
whose ass print is on the piano?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
