Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
