I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
