Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
