Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
