hell yes lets make some ravioli
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
