I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
