used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
