She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
