And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
