i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You need Xanax blowdarts
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize