I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
