So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
