is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
