If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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