I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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