Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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