umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize