Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Couch. On fire.
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