Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
