im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
