Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
