hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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