So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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