I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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