And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
