I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
