when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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