People in love make me want to vomit
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
