it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
