Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
