Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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