hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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