I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
