we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
