At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize