I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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