VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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