She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
