At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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