her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
