so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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