WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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