yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize