Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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