Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
