I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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