sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
