DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
