areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
