so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
