anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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