Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
